i long for summer... (april 18, 2009)

**wow...so i woke up thinking about this blog i wrote last spring and went to read it... it was almost a year ago to the day. it's weird how life kind of repeats itself every year even though circumstances and friendships are different... and it's also so beautiful to read this prayer and see the answers from praying it last year...the cry of my heart... is to know Him and to make Him known in every season**Spring is slow in coming…winter wants to hold on…but it's inevitable, the sunshine will return, the leaves will grow back…flowers will blooms again. Soon.Just as the seasons change, I'm ready for my sunshine to come. I've spent the winter waiting…waiting…waiting. I haven't lost hope…but I'm getting weary…the sunshine must break the clouds soon. My soul longs for the nourishment of long summer days. Hiking deep into the heart of the woods, nights around the camp fire, lazy afternoons laying in the sun with a good book. Smiles and flip flops… dancing to guitars in open fields… I need the life of summer. I need to see fruit in my life…really. I need the breakthrough. I need the phone call, I need the email, I need the offer I can't refuse. I need to know I'm not running this race alone…the close, slow dance…I need the strength behind another's eyes…the warmth of stronger arms and calloused touch of worn hands. I need to know that my work is not in vain…I need to see the seeds begin to push up through the ground. I need to know that my dreams are God breathed and given and not empty and of my own making. I need to know that who I am is enough…not lacking anything. I need to rest in being beautiful…I need to believe people when they tell me that I'm beautiful.I need new life…to get unstuck…to produce. I long for children…my own…I long for disciples…I long for a home that I can keep and care for…someone to cook for…someone to rest in. I long for the comfort of knowing that the burden is not mine alone.I love what I do…when I'm not being paid…I wish I could do it for free! I love loving people who do not know what it means to be loved unconditionally. I hate when my love reaches its limits…I hate when I spend myself…and run out of strength…hoping to be renewed with summer…and still don't see the sun peaking through..I long for adventure…I long to share the journey…without fearing hurt…without fearing breaking my heart… I'm weary of being strong all the time…and not being honest when I want to…I long for summer…