so...my last blog entry from yesterday was rather...blah. my apologies to anyone who read it before i chose to get rid of it...that was a very raw, personal moment...in fact, i am still wrestling with the same feelings but i've decided, you all (if you actually exist) do not need to be exposed to my rambling discontented confusion.
that being said, i ask for prayer. my heart is not at peace, at all. i am here, but i lsck the passion and motivation to continue serving in this season of life unless several things do not change rapidly.
i very much need a sabatical from giving...i need to listen more and talk less...i need to rest...i need space...i need to hear from Jesus! somehow i have managed to empty myself of anything worth giving and i just need to be refilled and in the process find a way to maintain my "fullness" when i begin giving again...that may not make any sense to anyone else but me...it's ok, it's my blog ;-)
my mom keeps telling me that "the will of God leaves peace in your heart...no matter the circumstances..." so i am asking God, where is the peace? where do i find it? i know that i have one direction in which my heart is being pulled and i only lack peace because i cannot forsee a transition from this place to the new place...however, i am beginning to sense a little bit of what that transition will look like.
please pray that i do find the right path for my feet. in all of this, i know that i want to serve God...i want to not only plow fields and plant seeds, i want to water and harvest!! i want to be a rested individual. i want my life to be life-giving simply because i have been with Jesus...that is not currently happening.