What I really want...

Why do we have to make life so complicated? I've always done life according to what is the right thing to do...I have rarely said what I really mean. Not that I'm lying, I tell people what I think...but I rarely let people into the heart of the real "Rachel"...I'm not exactly sure why, but I have a sneaky, suspicious feeling it's because somewhere deep down I believe that people don't really want to know or that they won't be able to handle the simplicity of what I want or who I am. This is absurd because it really is no different than anything that anyone else wants.

I want...
...to marry my best friend
...to be married for at least 50 years
...to have 4 biological children
...to adopt 4 more (hopefully internationally)
...to own a couple golden retrievers
...to live a life worth imitating...healthy marriage/family relationships
...to make my home a safe haven for my children, a place of rest for my husband & myself
...to raise my children to be spiritual oaks trees
...to be able to take good care of my parents as they age
...to pay for my parents to take a trip to Australia

...to own a cabin in the woods
...to own a home and some land in Ireland
...to be financially independent & debt free by 50
...to have enough money to fund lots of Kingdom work, to take care of my loved ones but to live a contented simple life.
...to live for a season in Oregon, California, Colorado & Turkey (as well as an Asian country)

...to be a discipler
...to be a worshiper
...to be an intercessor
...to be real and transparent-always content
...to LIVE in the awareness of God's Presence
...to see someone healed as a result of prayer (hopefully all the time)
...to see someone delivered from demonic oppression as a result of prayer (hopefully all the time)
...to see someone raised from the dead as a result of prayer (hopefully all the time)

...to intentionally and successfully mentor 100 influential women over the course of my lifetime
...to obtain a Ph.D (of course, after I obtain a Masters degree)
...to write books for a living
...to speak/understand Spanish, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, Turkish & Gaelic
...to teach at the college level
...to climb a mountain
...to plant an orchard
...to run a 5K and then a 10K
...to cultivate an orchid
...to learn to garden

...to visit Dubai
...to visit St. Petersburg, Russia
...to visit Cypress
...to retrace on of Paul's missionary journeys
...to tour Europe
...to tour the Holy Land and be baptized in the Jordan River
...to ride in a gondola in Venice
...to take each of my children on a coming of age trip
...to take one family trip around the country in a camper

... I want to ENJOY my life...to have no regrets...to KNOW this is how I was created to LIVE...

(these are the things I thought were even believable...the rest, are between me & Jesus...)

As I evaluate my life, I feel like I have been striving...striving for some intangible goal...and it all has taken me away from my true heart...to be a wife, a mother, a writer, a mentor, a teacher...someone who lives a full, adventurous, peaceful life...someone who leave a true legacy...a carbon footprint that points to Jesus and the Kingdom of God...