Right now, I should be writing something else... in fact, I should have already written it a month ago... but my heart is so full of emotion at this moment. All I can think about is writing this.
Transition. It is coming. In some ways, it can't come soon enough. But in most ways, it is coming way too soon. The only thing consistent in life is that it changes. As I ponder the many transitions in my near future, I find it ironic that life doesn't just stop and then start again in a new place with new opportunities and new people. No, once all of the decisions necessary for change have been made,,, I enter a time warp... a season called transition. Within this space, I begin saying goodbye a little bit every day until I finally say goodbye for the last time.
Then, I drive away. Car full of all the stuff acquired in one season... tears streaming down my face... singing and praying at the top of my lungs... and I drive. The drive - in and of itself - is a transition. Somehow a car full of memories and the open road in front of me become my escort to the next place.
When I arrive, I begin saying hello. Hello to people, places and dreams that I've been pursuing. The excitement that helped me make the decision to say goodbye returns and gives me the courage to say hello... and hello...and hello....until the new place is no longer new.
Transition is no stranger to me. In fact, part of me relishes the feeling of transition. It is part of my calling.. to sojourn.. to start new things... to prepare soil and plant seeds. But tonight... oh tonight, my heart aches. Truly. It aches deep down inside and I can't seem to get to the bottom of the ache. I love this place. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. I have deeply loved this season. I have grown. I have been challenged. I have overcome. I have failed. I have begun again. I have found the contentment of staying... and staying ... and staying. I want to stay. And, yet, I know that staying will only be delayed obedience... or prolonged disobedience?
Somehow in the time warp of transition, new things begin. And why shouldn't they? Life goes on. It's a phenomenon that I continually forget about until I am reminded. Just because I move on, does not mean everyone else stays the same. Perhaps, that is the ache I feel in this moment? The ache of letting go... walking away...
I am good at closing doors when I leave. It's easier that way. A closed door does not beckon me to return like an open door does. Yet, this time, it seems that my Father knows best... and He is opening doors as I leave. When I try to close them, His hand gently holds them open - and He whispers... let it be.
I don't like unresolved ... anything. It's like a dissonant chord. I can't stand unresolved feelings... unresolved situations... unresolved relationships... I like the closure. I like the false feeling of bein in control. I'd rather know that something is over... than face the uncertainty of what it could become... or the pain of what may die. But, of course, the lesson of this season has been learning to embrace the mystery of God... to trust Him... to embrace His timing... and to be vulnerable. I hate that word. I hate the angst that it creates in my soul. And yet, somewhere deep inside of me... I long to live free and vulnerable... to embrace life fully... to embrace people fully... without fear. And, thankfully, His Spirit enables me to be vulnerable. Yet, perhaps, this is why I like closed doors. An open door means that I face the possibility of being rejected or forgotten. An open door means someone or something else can close it on me.
So, here I am... staring at this lovely little space I call mine, wet-cheeked, enjoying the lights on my Christmas tree and the stillness of this moment. And I am making a choice - I will savor this season. I will embrace the time warp that is...transition. I will trust that when I say my final goodbye and my first hello... Immanuel, God with me, will still be with me just like He has always promised. I will trust that the doors He leaves open will be OK. And that the ones He closes will be fine too. I will expect great things and know that in it all... He is good. He is faithful and He is strong.
Bless the Lord, oh my soul, find rest in Him.
7.01.2013
Initial Reflections from Madrid
 |
| Me, standing outside of ancient Toledo |
Many of you know I just
returned from a 10 day trip to Spain
 |
| Mint Tea & Arabic Lessons |
Today, it has a population of
47.27 million people – 80 nations are represented within its populace,
including over 600,000 North African immigrants. Most people are agnostic or
atheist – there is also an ever-increasing population of Muslim believers. Only
1% of the population identifies itself as knowing Jesus. One percent. You could
spend all day wandering through Madrid
I met some incredible people.
A young Moroccan mother of two left a deep impact on my heart. She was always
warm and friendly – greeting me in Spanish (both of our second language) and
kissing my cheeks three times (the traditional Moroccan greeting). One day, she
taught our team some basic Arabic and made us some Moroccan mint tea… she also
shared her faith with us. She is a devout woman with true conviction and a
desire to please Allah. I couldn’t help but be reminded of Cornelius (Acts 10).
My prayer for my new friend is that in her desire to serve God, she will find a
relationship with Jesus.
Throughout my entire trip the
Lord continually led me to this one passage – Matthew 9:35-38. For the first
few days of the trip, verse 36 kept coming to mind “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because
they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” On our
third day, we spent some time in a prayer room overlooking La Puerta del Sol,
one of Madrid
Jesus, the world lives
here… but where is Your Light?
Awaken the hearts of Your People, send more
laborers to Spain
P.S. CAN I GO??
 |
| La Puerta Del Sol - "Sheep without a shepherd" |
 |
| Outdoor mall in Madrid |
10.13.2012
It is well.
Tonight, I walked out the door at dusk. I had stayed much later than I'd planned...again. It's been a week of working late. So, I was definitely tired. As the glass door opened to the sidewalk, the sun was almost set and only a corner of the sky was pink. The air was damp and laden with the chill of fall- my favorite season. Stepping out into the evening, I stopped ... and inhaled deeply. Peace rolled over my soul.
In the same moment, I was suddenly conscious of music. It sounded like it was coming from the restaurant-turned-mission/soup kitchen that is part of the organization I work for. The song was familiar... one that often resonates with me, yet the words were temporarily escaping me. I meandered toward the sound as if being pulled by a magnet. I reached the front of the mission and corner of the street where I realized the music was coming from somewhere else. My eyes glanced across the street and propelled my feet, along with my ears, toward the little park couched between two old edifices. It looked like an outdoor worship service and I, on impulse, was going to join the party. I scurried toward the gathering. But thankfully, just before I entered the little gated area, I realized - this was no ordinary worship gathering. No, it was a wedding...and the bride was seconds away from making her grand entrance!! I was about to barge in, uninvited, to a quaint wedding in the park... just in time to up-stage the bride herself.
Awkward moment impeded, I quickly redirected my steps across the street. Safely on the other side and being tired, I should have headed toward my car, but I could not. I was enraptured by the hymn being boldly brandished for all of C-street to hear. I stopped in front of a store front across from the park, leaned against a pole and listened. The blissful couple, unaware that I was a bystander to their moment of covenant. I took in the twinkling white lights entwined in the vines above the bridal party.... and I listened. The bride arrived at the front and the band continued to sing.
In that moment, I could not help but recognize the deep meaning of the music intertwining with this moment of covenant for this happy couple. Instead of the traditional bridal march, this bride had chosen to make this moment less about her...and more about proclaiming a very simple truth... "It is well with my soul." It is well... even outside of the circumstance of this blissful moment. The promise of this old hymn saturated deep into the dark moments of the past, as well as, the challenges of the future. This couple was boldly proclaiming God's sovereignty over their relationship - past, present & future.
In that moment, I was overcome- overcome by the sweet Presence of Jesus... the Faithful One... the One who gives me the grace to remain faithful to the calling over my life. He reminded me... I am not measured by circumstances, roles, titles or others' approval... My worth and my peace of heart flows out of a deep knowing... I am His and He is mine... I am His Beloved.
My evening ended with the gentle reminder...
Because He is...
In the same moment, I was suddenly conscious of music. It sounded like it was coming from the restaurant-turned-mission/soup kitchen that is part of the organization I work for. The song was familiar... one that often resonates with me, yet the words were temporarily escaping me. I meandered toward the sound as if being pulled by a magnet. I reached the front of the mission and corner of the street where I realized the music was coming from somewhere else. My eyes glanced across the street and propelled my feet, along with my ears, toward the little park couched between two old edifices. It looked like an outdoor worship service and I, on impulse, was going to join the party. I scurried toward the gathering. But thankfully, just before I entered the little gated area, I realized - this was no ordinary worship gathering. No, it was a wedding...and the bride was seconds away from making her grand entrance!! I was about to barge in, uninvited, to a quaint wedding in the park... just in time to up-stage the bride herself.
Awkward moment impeded, I quickly redirected my steps across the street. Safely on the other side and being tired, I should have headed toward my car, but I could not. I was enraptured by the hymn being boldly brandished for all of C-street to hear. I stopped in front of a store front across from the park, leaned against a pole and listened. The blissful couple, unaware that I was a bystander to their moment of covenant. I took in the twinkling white lights entwined in the vines above the bridal party.... and I listened. The bride arrived at the front and the band continued to sing.
In that moment, I could not help but recognize the deep meaning of the music intertwining with this moment of covenant for this happy couple. Instead of the traditional bridal march, this bride had chosen to make this moment less about her...and more about proclaiming a very simple truth... "It is well with my soul." It is well... even outside of the circumstance of this blissful moment. The promise of this old hymn saturated deep into the dark moments of the past, as well as, the challenges of the future. This couple was boldly proclaiming God's sovereignty over their relationship - past, present & future.
In that moment, I was overcome- overcome by the sweet Presence of Jesus... the Faithful One... the One who gives me the grace to remain faithful to the calling over my life. He reminded me... I am not measured by circumstances, roles, titles or others' approval... My worth and my peace of heart flows out of a deep knowing... I am His and He is mine... I am His Beloved.
My evening ended with the gentle reminder...
Because He is...
It is well.
10.07.2012
Hanging out in the Kingdom... Reflections on [BEing] Called
It's been a while... [Be forewarned, this will be long]
I have not given myself much space to process "what's really going on."
Since July, life has been such a whirlwind. A whirlwind of answered prayer. A whirlwind of transition into new things. A whirlwind brought on by over eight months of waiting... eight months of significant questioning... eight months of living in what my dear friend, Stephanie Nance, would call the "thickness of time"... eight months of embracing the Mystery of God.
In June of 2011, I moved from my home state of Kentucky to Springfield, MO- a town that I never planned to live in. I came here with plans. Plans to become, plans to overcome, plans to come into my own. And yet, by November, everything that brought me to town... came to an abrupt halt. I lost my job. I decided not to continue my seminary journey. The only thing keeping me in this little town was the Holy Spirit and a deep heart commitment to a community of young adults. I was bound to seeing God move within this community... Over the following eight months, it has been this community that God has used to surround me... to comfort me and to shape me. I have held tightly to the conviction that I am part of something beyond myself...
On the first of July (2012), I moved into a new apartment with a new roommate. On the last day of July, I began a new job. The third week of August I began graduate studies. The first week of September our community went from one service to two...and then two weeks after that, we went to three!! ALL of these events were fantastic! However, that is a LOT of change in two months.
Let's just say, I have been feeling a little overwhelmed. And, the one thing I love most...investing in people... has suffered the greatest. Sad day. I have actually felt like becoming a hermit. Crowds have become something I literally ... dread. Sincerely sad day!
Balance. Haha. It has always been elusive to me... but right now, I keep striving to find some way to achieve something close to it.
Last week, I realized something saddening. I am working a job... so that I can go to school to become trained in something I already love to do (Write)...so that I can afford to... are you ready for this ... Serve in ministry!! Tadah!
I hate the expression LOL-laugh out loud- how often do people actually laugh out loud when they type that? But, just now...I did laugh out loud... it was not a happy laugh. No, it was a little cynical. This is a cycle... a familiar merry-go-round of discontent.
What's funny... the most satisfying seasons of my life have been when I am barely making any money...when I barely have any time to just "BE"... Abnormal times. Times when my world is UP-side Down. During those times, my main focus was simply being sold out to BUILDING God's Kingdom...
I am SO incredibly grateful for what God has given me in this season. I am grateful for a job...not just a paycheck, but a job serving in an organization whose focus is restoring lives... BIG plus! I am grateful for the opportunity to study... I love learning new things!! I am grateful to have a cute, cozy little apartment... and money to buy food and cook for others. I am grateful for friends who love me and care about me. I am grateful for a family that loves me beyond my oddities and quirks... I am grateful for normalcy. After all, that IS what I've been wanting...right?
There is nothing wrong with the normal things of life. Really, actually, I think there is something wrong with me. Why do I always find myself here...longing for this elusive state of having normalcy & yet being sold out, actively BUILDING God's Kingdom? I'm not really sure what that means
The other day... I was reminded of another season in my life. During this season, I became angst (big surprise)... my feet began to itch... my heart ached to "be where the people are.." (go ahead, sing the Little Mermaid song... you know you want to :-) I just did!) The angst arises out of this sense that I'm not DOING what I'm called to do... this feeling that I'm just "hanging out in the Kingdom." I don't want to become too comfortable. I'm afraid of developing a lazy, welfar-ish, sense of entitlement. Reveling in God's favor...and squandering it... when there are people dying.... without ever knowing about Jesus, let alone, knowing Him!
What am I doing with Jesus? There is this fear that I am like that servant who took his one talent and went and buried it. And when the Master returned, he had nothing to show for his wealth, except that which he had been given.
Over the past six years, I have wrestled with what it means to be "called." When I was ten, I heard God speak my name... I felt Him close... I heard Him ask me to follow Him and to care for His sheep. And again... over and over... throughout the years, He repeatedly reminded me of this calling.
I don't know how to describe it. It's like when your best friend asks you to do something... when you promise to take care of their child or pet... you feel a deep sense of responsibility to carefully attend to their request. (BTW, this metaphor is weak). I have always felt like I was called out...to be sent. Yet, my prayer for the past six years has been to be planted... to BE like the tree planted by the water. That is what is happening... and yet, I am discontent.
And I cannot help but wonder...is because I am called...to be sent, not planted? This is a deep and agonizing question. I do not know just how to answer it. I most often feel like a round peg in a square hole.
I was talking to a friend last night and I told her that I had always felt called to serve overseas... and the strangest things happened... she was surprised! She never knew that about me. Um, weird, because all of my life...that one thing has somehow defined me. Shortly after she left, I found myself feeling concerned. Have I forgotten who I am called to be. AM I BEING WHO I AM CALLED TO BE?
Or... am I just hanging out in the Kingdom? ? ? ?... ??? ... ???
I have not given myself much space to process "what's really going on."
Since July, life has been such a whirlwind. A whirlwind of answered prayer. A whirlwind of transition into new things. A whirlwind brought on by over eight months of waiting... eight months of significant questioning... eight months of living in what my dear friend, Stephanie Nance, would call the "thickness of time"... eight months of embracing the Mystery of God.
In June of 2011, I moved from my home state of Kentucky to Springfield, MO- a town that I never planned to live in. I came here with plans. Plans to become, plans to overcome, plans to come into my own. And yet, by November, everything that brought me to town... came to an abrupt halt. I lost my job. I decided not to continue my seminary journey. The only thing keeping me in this little town was the Holy Spirit and a deep heart commitment to a community of young adults. I was bound to seeing God move within this community... Over the following eight months, it has been this community that God has used to surround me... to comfort me and to shape me. I have held tightly to the conviction that I am part of something beyond myself...
On the first of July (2012), I moved into a new apartment with a new roommate. On the last day of July, I began a new job. The third week of August I began graduate studies. The first week of September our community went from one service to two...and then two weeks after that, we went to three!! ALL of these events were fantastic! However, that is a LOT of change in two months.
Let's just say, I have been feeling a little overwhelmed. And, the one thing I love most...investing in people... has suffered the greatest. Sad day. I have actually felt like becoming a hermit. Crowds have become something I literally ... dread. Sincerely sad day!
Balance. Haha. It has always been elusive to me... but right now, I keep striving to find some way to achieve something close to it.
Last week, I realized something saddening. I am working a job... so that I can go to school to become trained in something I already love to do (Write)...so that I can afford to... are you ready for this ... Serve in ministry!! Tadah!
I hate the expression LOL-laugh out loud- how often do people actually laugh out loud when they type that? But, just now...I did laugh out loud... it was not a happy laugh. No, it was a little cynical. This is a cycle... a familiar merry-go-round of discontent.
What's funny... the most satisfying seasons of my life have been when I am barely making any money...when I barely have any time to just "BE"... Abnormal times. Times when my world is UP-side Down. During those times, my main focus was simply being sold out to BUILDING God's Kingdom...
I am SO incredibly grateful for what God has given me in this season. I am grateful for a job...not just a paycheck, but a job serving in an organization whose focus is restoring lives... BIG plus! I am grateful for the opportunity to study... I love learning new things!! I am grateful to have a cute, cozy little apartment... and money to buy food and cook for others. I am grateful for friends who love me and care about me. I am grateful for a family that loves me beyond my oddities and quirks... I am grateful for normalcy. After all, that IS what I've been wanting...right?
There is nothing wrong with the normal things of life. Really, actually, I think there is something wrong with me. Why do I always find myself here...longing for this elusive state of having normalcy & yet being sold out, actively BUILDING God's Kingdom? I'm not really sure what that means
The other day... I was reminded of another season in my life. During this season, I became angst (big surprise)... my feet began to itch... my heart ached to "be where the people are.." (go ahead, sing the Little Mermaid song... you know you want to :-) I just did!) The angst arises out of this sense that I'm not DOING what I'm called to do... this feeling that I'm just "hanging out in the Kingdom." I don't want to become too comfortable. I'm afraid of developing a lazy, welfar-ish, sense of entitlement. Reveling in God's favor...and squandering it... when there are people dying.... without ever knowing about Jesus, let alone, knowing Him!
What am I doing with Jesus? There is this fear that I am like that servant who took his one talent and went and buried it. And when the Master returned, he had nothing to show for his wealth, except that which he had been given.
Over the past six years, I have wrestled with what it means to be "called." When I was ten, I heard God speak my name... I felt Him close... I heard Him ask me to follow Him and to care for His sheep. And again... over and over... throughout the years, He repeatedly reminded me of this calling.
I don't know how to describe it. It's like when your best friend asks you to do something... when you promise to take care of their child or pet... you feel a deep sense of responsibility to carefully attend to their request. (BTW, this metaphor is weak). I have always felt like I was called out...to be sent. Yet, my prayer for the past six years has been to be planted... to BE like the tree planted by the water. That is what is happening... and yet, I am discontent.
And I cannot help but wonder...is because I am called...to be sent, not planted? This is a deep and agonizing question. I do not know just how to answer it. I most often feel like a round peg in a square hole.
I was talking to a friend last night and I told her that I had always felt called to serve overseas... and the strangest things happened... she was surprised! She never knew that about me. Um, weird, because all of my life...that one thing has somehow defined me. Shortly after she left, I found myself feeling concerned. Have I forgotten who I am called to be. AM I BEING WHO I AM CALLED TO BE?
Or... am I just hanging out in the Kingdom? ? ? ?... ??? ... ???
9.01.2012
In Honor of Dee Dee Belle
**Today marks the birthday of a very special person in my life. She has been in heaven for six years...but I wanted to share something I wrote four years ago in her memory... **
Sep 1, 2008
today is a special day...a day that always reminds me of one beautiful woman. her name, delores belle klayer west. and for those who knew and loved her best it was simply dee-dee belle born on september 1, 1927, she lived almost to eighty.
a woman i can remember from infancy...full of creativity and giggles. she loved like no one i know. she loved fiercely, and at times, to her own detriment. she was a listening ear and a comforting hug. she looked into your eyes and saw who you were destined to be rather than who you were at the moment. she was my nanny...my grandmother.
i shared so much in common with her...her love for jewlery and fun shoes. i still use some of her vocabulary, like the word snazzy roo (only on special occasions). but she loved to dance...loved music...and she loved Jesus! as the years passed, her memory slowly faded but the one thing that never changed was when you mentioned the name of Jesus...her eyes would light up...her countenance would soften to that of genuine love and she would look like a young girl in love. she would rattle off scriptures and songs...
i loved chatting with her...she had a way of absorbing everything that my lips and brain could express...and then she always knew the best words of wisdom, encouragement and discernment.
i miss her today. but i know that if i could see her now, i would see her dancing with her Lover...with Jesus. she is free in the arms of her Savior...
it's been almost two years and i'm glad she's free of this world, but at times, i think of her and smile...and blink back a longing tear...one day i will sit with her again and we will expound on all of the beauty of Heaven and our Jesus!
Sep 1, 2008
today is a special day...a day that always reminds me of one beautiful woman. her name, delores belle klayer west. and for those who knew and loved her best it was simply dee-dee belle born on september 1, 1927, she lived almost to eighty.
a woman i can remember from infancy...full of creativity and giggles. she loved like no one i know. she loved fiercely, and at times, to her own detriment. she was a listening ear and a comforting hug. she looked into your eyes and saw who you were destined to be rather than who you were at the moment. she was my nanny...my grandmother.
i shared so much in common with her...her love for jewlery and fun shoes. i still use some of her vocabulary, like the word snazzy roo (only on special occasions). but she loved to dance...loved music...and she loved Jesus! as the years passed, her memory slowly faded but the one thing that never changed was when you mentioned the name of Jesus...her eyes would light up...her countenance would soften to that of genuine love and she would look like a young girl in love. she would rattle off scriptures and songs...
i loved chatting with her...she had a way of absorbing everything that my lips and brain could express...and then she always knew the best words of wisdom, encouragement and discernment.
i miss her today. but i know that if i could see her now, i would see her dancing with her Lover...with Jesus. she is free in the arms of her Savior...
it's been almost two years and i'm glad she's free of this world, but at times, i think of her and smile...and blink back a longing tear...one day i will sit with her again and we will expound on all of the beauty of Heaven and our Jesus!
7.28.2012
Restoring Eden: The Saga
I am guilty of consistently misunderstanding others.
Instead, I fight to be properly understood.
I fight to be free and independent.
I fight to dominate and coerce submission.
I fight to be biblical.
I am a mess!
I am not alone in my fighting.
The fight to be understood is human condition.
In all of our fighting,
we have created a no-man’s-land.
Meanwhile, those in the trenches
on either side
sit with heads in hands,
weary and lonely.
Although we rarely admit it,
even to ourselves,
we have forgotten.
We no longer remember
that precious golden ring for which we fight.
We forget that we are actually from the same land.
We are people not altogether different from the legendary Narnians.
We are colorful. We come in all shapes and sizes.
We speak different languages. We have varying traditions.
We are male. We are female.
We are human.
We fight for the same thing.
We fight for peace.
We fight so that we can live united.
We fight to restore Eden.
Yet, in the no-man’s-land of misperception,
Drenched in irony,
exists a seldom acknowledged truth:
The battle for Restored Eden has already been won!
Our need to be understood, to be enough, to be complete, our need to BE at rest, caused
the UnLimited One to limit Himself.
Our need for restored intimacy caused
Him to come nearer to humanity than even we, ourselves, are willing to come.
He made Himself fully present to the human experience.
He was born. He grew.
He laughed. He wept.
He breathed. He slept.
He understood.
He died.
But, in His death,
He accomplished what we could not…
He bridged the gap our selfishness and lack of trust created.
In His death, He lives and we also can live.
Jesus...
Restored Eden.
He made a way for God and man
to dwell in trust again.
He reunited long-separated children to their Father.
He opened blind eyes and unlocked deaf ears so that
men and women would no longer fear Him…
nor should they fear one another.
Restored Eden is eternal life.
While heaven awaits,
His Kingdom is
living in the no-man’s-land…
being understood in light of His sacrifice.
All of this said, we,
sons and daughters of
the Living, UnLimited, UnCreated God,
continue to dwell in the gray trenches of
“my worldview” versus “your worldview.”
We long to play together in the space that lies between us,
but we fear.
We fear because
we fail to remember…
Perfect Love drives away all fear.
We have been re-created.
We are new.
We are not our stories.
No, our stories are but stylistic embellishment,
badges nonchalantly proclaiming,
“I am HIS!”
Our journeys are only pathways
navigating us toward Restored Eden.
In Eden, we trust.
We live in confidence,
not in ourselves but in the One who has restored us.
In Eden, we are defined by what He is doing through us,
rather than what we have done to ourselves.
Every day, we have the choice.
Live in the trenches or…
Dwell in the “no-man’s-land” of restored trust
“Therefore, I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. ” Ephesians 4:1-4
Instead, I fight to be properly understood.
I fight to be free and independent.
I fight to dominate and coerce submission.
I fight to be biblical.
I am a mess!
I am not alone in my fighting.
The fight to be understood is human condition.
In all of our fighting,
we have created a no-man’s-land.
Meanwhile, those in the trenches
on either side
sit with heads in hands,
weary and lonely.
Although we rarely admit it,
even to ourselves,
we have forgotten.
We no longer remember
that precious golden ring for which we fight.
We forget that we are actually from the same land.
We are people not altogether different from the legendary Narnians.
We are colorful. We come in all shapes and sizes.
We speak different languages. We have varying traditions.
We are male. We are female.
We are human.
We fight for the same thing.
We fight for peace.
We fight so that we can live united.
We fight to restore Eden.
Yet, in the no-man’s-land of misperception,
Drenched in irony,
exists a seldom acknowledged truth:
The battle for Restored Eden has already been won!
Our need to be understood, to be enough, to be complete, our need to BE at rest, caused
the UnLimited One to limit Himself.
Our need for restored intimacy caused
Him to come nearer to humanity than even we, ourselves, are willing to come.
He made Himself fully present to the human experience.
He was born. He grew.
He laughed. He wept.
He breathed. He slept.
He understood.
He died.
But, in His death,
He accomplished what we could not…
He bridged the gap our selfishness and lack of trust created.
In His death, He lives and we also can live.
Jesus...
Restored Eden.
He made a way for God and man
to dwell in trust again.
He reunited long-separated children to their Father.
He opened blind eyes and unlocked deaf ears so that
men and women would no longer fear Him…
nor should they fear one another.
Restored Eden is eternal life.
While heaven awaits,
His Kingdom is
living in the no-man’s-land…
being understood in light of His sacrifice.
All of this said, we,
sons and daughters of
the Living, UnLimited, UnCreated God,
continue to dwell in the gray trenches of
“my worldview” versus “your worldview.”
We long to play together in the space that lies between us,
but we fear.
We fear because
we fail to remember…
Perfect Love drives away all fear.
We have been re-created.
We are new.
We are not our stories.
No, our stories are but stylistic embellishment,
badges nonchalantly proclaiming,
“I am HIS!”
Our journeys are only pathways
navigating us toward Restored Eden.
In Eden, we trust.
We live in confidence,
not in ourselves but in the One who has restored us.
In Eden, we are defined by what He is doing through us,
rather than what we have done to ourselves.
Every day, we have the choice.
Live in the trenches or…
Dwell in the “no-man’s-land” of restored trust
…the place where being understood flows out of being known…
…the place where being whole trumps being understood…
“Therefore, I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. ” Ephesians 4:1-4
6.09.2012
Embracing Mutual Submission: A Study in Humility
This week I have been following Rachel Held Evans’ synchro-blog event, One In Christ, a celebration of Mutuality. There have been so many excellent blogs from RHE, as well as other fellow egalitarians who decided it was time to speak up about why mutuality is so great. So far, I have only reveled in their insights and shared them with all of my followers. Now, I am ready to share my own reflections… This is first post of two I intend to share is an adapted version of a paper I wrote for a course on Gender & Culture that I took with missiologist Anita Koeshall at the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary.
Embracing Mutual Submission: A Study in Humility
A hush falls over the crowd as the lights dim and the spotlight draws all eyes to two people in the center of the rink. The action begins with the first note of the song, two individuals seamlessly emerge as one unit; gliding over the ice, side-by-side, hand-in hand, spinning and mirroring one another. They dare gravity as they leap in unison and, occasionally, he will lift her high into the air, still gliding upon the ice as one. Couples figure skating fascinates me. There is something invigorating about watching two people work as a team to perform daring feats that appear effortless. Yet, it takes great strength, skill and team work to pull off such a performance.
The movie The Cutting Edge depicts the story of two very strong-willed, independent athletes, a male hockey player and a female figure skater, both disillusioned with their previous careers, coming together as a figure skating pair. Competitiveness and love of the ice are the only things the duo share in common. Throughout the movie, they take turns one-upping each other, always followed by a spray of ice in the face and the one liner, “Toe-pick.” However, they eventually realize they must let go of their own pride in order to win as a team. Slowly and painfully, the pair builds trust, which proves to be the key to winning.
This movie embodies my own struggle and competitive approach to male/female relationships. Having been raised in an ever-increasing individualistic and feminist culture, I wrestle with being second, especially to men. In fact, my initial question began as, “Do all women have to submit to all men?” Being certain of the answer, I set out to prove that men and women are equal and that Christ calls us to mutual submission, even in marriage. However, a deeper question emerged in process, “What does mutual submission look like within covenant community?”
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul says, “And further, submit yourselves to one another in reverence for Christ” (5:21). The verses that follow make practical application of this verse within a marriage context, as well as other relationships, such as, parent to child and master to slave. For many years, mutual submission has been my license to be an independent individual, to compete with men and to prove that we have to submit to one another. My cultural and personal bias has been keeping me from the heart of Paul’s message.
Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us…” Before anyone submits to anyone, Christians are called to imitate God and follow the example of Christ. Submission begins with studying Christ, not ourselves.
Philippians chapter two defines the attitude of Christ, “though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to….he humbled himself in obedience to God…”
M. Sydney Park, makes several observations regarding Christ’s submission as described in this passage. He debunks the “notion that submission is defined only by obedience…” Park agrees that obedience is part of Christ’s submission, but it actually “begins with Christ’s equality with God and is exemplified through forsaking his rights, status and privilege of being equal with God.” According to Park, submission is “not borne out of or for oppression-rather it is embraced voluntarily.” Finally, he concludes Christ's submission is "the willingness to give primacy to the concerns of another over and above his own legitimate rights, even at the risk of humiliation, suffering and death” (123-124).
As Christ’s example reveals, true submission can only take place from a stance of equality. Ephesians 5 levels the gender playing field. Paul elevates the status of women with his command to submit to one another. Payne drives this point home when he writes, “Paul does not limit any of these [“one another” commands] to only one gender. If only one party does all the submitting, it is not mutual but hierarchical. The bidirectional nature of mutual submission presupposes the equal standing of the persons submitting to each other” (71). Humility is often defined as embracing a proper understanding of self...recognizing and walking within the limitations of our strengths and weaknesses, being careful to empower others to do the same. Jesus sets a standard, illustrating the deference of one’s rights for the sake of another. His motivation flows from a desire to bring glory to God and to reconcile God and humanity.
Submission starts with an attitude of humility.
There is a series of passages throughout the New Testament often referred to as the “one another” commands (Eph. 5:18-21; 1 John 4:13, 16; Gal. 5:13; Rom. 12:10; Eph. 4:2). Each “one another” statement can be linked with Paul’s familiar command to “Be filled with the Spirit.” The Holy Spirit enables us to walk in submission to each other... to “Serve one another,” “Honor one another…” “Be gentle and patient with one another…”
The direct fruit of mutual submission is unity, not competition. Submission is a bold choice to set aside one’s rights for the sake of something greater: unity. Phillip B. Payne defines submission as “voluntary yielding in love” (281). Using a quote from Tertullian’s book to his wife, Payne reveals the perspective of the Church father specifically regarding submission between a husband and a wife:
“What a union of two believers—one hope, one vow, one discipline and one worship! They are brother and sister, two fellow servants, one spirit and one flesh… They pray together, fast together, instruct, exhort, and support each other” (281-283).
In reference to the original Greek word used in Ephesians 5, Gerald Sittser writes that “it combines two words, one that could be translated ‘under’ and the other ‘order.’ … it implies that we choose to order our lives under the circumstances, relationships and roles in which we find ourselves.”
Sittser underscores the radical nature of Paul’s call to mutual submission. He points out that Paul gives this command to each individual in the Body, rather than a certain gender or social status. Specifically, he requires that “those who occupy dominant positions in social order be subject to their subordinates; they are to order their lives under the very people over whom they exercise authority.”
Sittser points out that “how we obey this command depends upon the particular position we occupy within the social order.” He goes on to say, “...to subject to one another implies that we acknowledge the necessity of social order, accept our place within it, and transform the social order through the power of radical obedience and sacrificial love” (42-43).
There is truth in the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” I recently had the privilege to interact with a precious couple who serve in a Muslim country. Due to the senstive nature of their work, we will call them John and Jane. As I listened to their stories, I kept hearing the Holy Spirit drive this point home.
Mutual submission is a sign to unbelievers...revealing the power of what Jesus did on the cross. John made a shocking statement, “My wife is the key to my ministry to Muslim men.” He goes on to explain that Muslim culture expects men to be able to control their wives. Jane does her best to fulfill the role of ideal Muslim woman, to the extent that Muslim men respect John and trust their wives to Jane's care.
John and Jane work as a team, like the figure skating pair. They each submit to Christ and to each other, fulfilling the culturally expected gender roles. In so doing, their relationship proclaims the gospel. People see Jesus. Muslims may not know they are seeing Jesus but the choice this couple has made to walk in mutual submission opens the door to share. Jane says the key to her ministry has been 1 Corinthians 9. She has learned to become “all things to all men” in order to reach a culture.
I still have more questions than answers. I feel as if I barely scratched the surface. As a single person, I find myself asking what mutual submission looks like within community. It is easy to perceive submission as something only for people who are married, but Paul makes it clear that we all are to walk in submission to one another.
Submission is difficult to grasp, let alone actualize. It is a Spirit-led behavior. Submission runs contrary to ourhuman nature. As an American, I have been taught to think for myself, to be true to myself, to be proud of my accomplishments, to fight for my rights. As an American woman, I expect equality. The very idea of submitting myself to someone else involves humility.
I now recognize that mutual submission is not a license to dominate, but a command to be humble. Mutual submission requires consistency and intentionality of heart. It starts with humility and is expressed in unity. Mutual submission, like figure skating, requires a dual commitment to working together, embracing one another’s strengths and supporting one another in weakness.
Today, I choose to embrace the call to mutual submission. Lord, give me grace to do so with humility and, in so doing, bring glory to Your Kingdom.
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