It's been almost two months and a couple of holidays since everything hit the fan. I spent five days at home for Christmas, but I've been spending a lot of time just sorting through my last 27 years. I'm coming to some conclusions...
- I am a right-brained person trying to be left-brained. I have spent all of my life striving to be left-brained. I've always felt that in order to be successful, I have live in another hemisphere of my brain. It's been like trying to wear someone else's clothing.
- I am tired of working so hard to be someone else. It is exhausting to sit through long theological debates with people and want to simply say... "Who cares?" or "Yeah, but how?" But, since I'm a minister...I just shut up and grin & bear it because "that's what we do."
- I am a deep thinker, I just think differently about things. I am a woman but I do have a brain. I think about how someone's actions effect others. I think about how words fit nicely together. I think about how the Holy Spirit works in the world. I think about how to resolve conflicts. I think about seasonings and colors and how they complement each other. I think about characters in books like they are people. I think about why Jesus uses metaphors to explain His Kingdom instead of theological theories.
- Everyone else can see the real me better than I can. My closest friends laugh when I admit these thingst to them and say, "Rae-Rae, I could have told you this all along." (By the way, you have to earn the right to use that name ;-)
- I want to discover what it's like to fulfill God's calling as myself... I want to figure out how a creative person fits into the ministry world. I want to make my voice heard and believe that others will listen to me...when I am being myself.
- I want to learn to garden. I want to study the process of development from seed to fruit. I want to be ok with investing time into cultivating life.
- I want to get a cuddle buddy... a dog.
- I want to spend more time with children... They are so full of innocence and curiosity.
- I want to write... dare I say it? A novel. I need courage to do this.
- I want to spend more time being in nature than on Facebook.
- I want to invest in reciprocal relationships... ones that intimidate me, yet challenge me...relationships that empower me to BE, not just do.
- I want to explore creativity and spirituality... what my calling in life looks like in light of my findings.
- I want to spend more time investing in God's Kingdom, than in creating the illusion of my own.
- I want to walk in humility...being content to abide in God's Presence even when no one is looking
- I want to spend this year enjoying each day as it comes.. without anxious thoughts...aware of God's Voice and Presence.
- I want to fall in love with this little town... the people, the traditions and the foreigners who dwell here...the plans God has for its people...I want to make Springfield home.
This year, I want to meditate on these truths...to learn to live them in fullness...
- Philippians 4:11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ,[c] who gives me strength.
- Romans 8: 15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.[h] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”[i] 16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.
- Ephesians 4: 1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
- 1 John 4:11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. 18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[b] because he loved us first.
If you you have endured to the end of this blogpost... you are amazing!! I ask you to pray with me to come to a deeper understand of what this means and to challenge me when I start to run back... Thank you in advance. Happy Growing!