real love (may 2009)

it's been said that "the one with the most power/security in a relationship is the one who loves the least." hm...so i guess that basic premise means that we shouldn't love at all...that we should hold everyone at bay and let them love us...but that we should never just dive in headfirst and go after it... that we should never truly love. BECAUSE whoever loves...will get hurt...and will be rendered powerless in the loving and be left alone in the end. well, maybe that's not what you hear when you read that saying...but that's what i hear.for so long, i've lived with that motto in the back of my mind. and yet, i always try to defy the odds. every time i dive in head first...lose myself in loving...i get hurt...and i find that no one can love me back as much as i love them. of course, i guess, it all depends on why i'm loving in the first place, am i loving people to get loved back? hmmm...essentially, yes...i'm human. that means that there really is not a selfless bone in my body...so even though i do love people and i love them truly with my whole heart...somewhere deep inside, i love them because i want them to love me back. and every time i've loved for that reason, i've lost. i've deeply loved...i've paid for the rollercoaster, i've buckled up next to people and held on for dear life... and when the ride is over...it seems like everyone gets off the ride, except me...and i just keep riding... like i can't get off the ride...my buckle is stuck... haha.but there's another saying about love...well, actually quite a few sayings, but this one in particular stands out to me..."Greater love has no man than this, than that he lay down his life for his friends." that's right...um, Jesus said that...in John 15 just before he was to be crucified :-) ouch. and He also went on to say, if you love me, you'll obey my commandments...and we've all heard it said "do as i say, not as i do." but Jesus was the only one who could say..."do as i do, not just as i say." HE DID IT! and he died for it :-) and did he gain our love???? nope. not really. i mean, He gained our gratitude, He gained our sugar daddy in the sky mentality...but sometimes i think,,,,did He gain our love? Jesus died (and rose from the dead :-) so that we could KNOW Him and LOVE Him... He got on the ride with us...He lived in a sinful world, was tempted at all points...but yet did not sin!!! how...?? who knows...but HE DID IT! and He faced the ultiimate rejection in His love... and yet He kept on loving... He still loves us in our fickle love. and He calls us to LOVE AS HE LOVED.most often, i'm like, um no...that hurts and i don't wanna. but that's what it is... if we are His disciples, we are to take up our cross and follow Him...all the way through the journey...God, give us that kind of love in our hearts...let us love unconditionally. help us live our lives without fear of rejection so that we may love as You first loved us! and give us the grace to face that rejection because You did..and you said if they did it to You, they'll do it to us. forgive us for loving only when it's convenient. forgive us for running and hiding when we should be standing firm and loving beyond our emotions. forgive me for feeling sorry for myself when everyone gets off the rollercoaster and leaves me buckled in. God, my life is not my own any longer...i was bought with a price...Your life for mine... Holy Spirit, give me the grace to love like You love...

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